Emy Jane: A Tribute to a Very Special Nanna

As the cursor flashes before my eyes - I'm not sure where to start.

I suppose the only way to start this post tonight is to tell you all that my gran, my lovely Nanna passed away this morning at 6:50am. The call came through at 7:10am - expected yet unexpected. She has been so ill for so long now, a vegetable in her own bed, asleep for days and nights on end with just a few smiles and tears to show us that she was still with us. But this morning she left us, apparently conscious with two night nurses by her side, in her nursing home in Streatham. Yet she died in peace - and as one of her friends said tonight when my Dad let her know, "Thank God for that!" Exactly, just what I was thinking. It has been so long now, her downfall slow, but constant and at the end she had no life anyway, long days and hours spent in her bed asleep and unconscious to the world going on around her - not always though, sometimes there was a faint glimmer of a smile or a tear in her eye but mostly asleep and away somewhere else.

Myself and my Nanna, Greenwich Park, London, 1988

Nanna was the last born in a huge east end family in London. She had 4 sisters and 2 brothers and 2 others who had died in infancy. I knew them of course as my great uncles and aunties (the great dropped to simple uncles and aunties) There was Auntie Lou (I never met as she died young in the 1940's), Auntie Edith (again I never met who died a few years before I was born but apparently I'm very like her), Auntie Lilly (who I just about met before she died when I was very young), Auntie Flo, Uncle Fred and my beloved Uncle Jum (with a wonderful first name - Walter) and they all lived in a large suburban house in Wembley. I remember Christmas's in Wembley, in the wood panelled dining room, trips over there every weekend for Sunday Roast and trips to Buckingimshire where my Uncle Jum moved down with his wife Nell (Auntie Nell) If there was ever a time in where I would like to go back and revisit my family, then that would be it. All gone now, all past and Nanna the only one left, now gone too.

Same day at Greenwhich park

When I was growing up of course she was a great part of my life. Always coming over, staying for weeks or just days, over for Christmas, for Easter, for school holidays and always bringing a naughty bag of sweets for me, well hidden from my mum (if only she knew!!!). We used to make up endless games, play tennis in the old house in Blackheath with plastic yellow rackets and a soft ball - a feat for a woman in her 70s! Hours upon hours playing cards from Whist, Rummy, Bismark and Oh Hell (which I changed to Oh Dear as I hated the oridginal name!) to days spent walking in Greenwich park and weeks spent in Devon - of course she was a regular guest in the cottage in Devon, I'm so glad she was able to experience our love of that place. I would go and stay with her myself in her flat in Streatham and we would go shopping in Streatham High Road to Woolworths and the department store Pratts (closed down 15 years ago) or go to the cinema and have popcorn galore. From someone who was born in the age she was she supported me 100% of the way at Art College, only ever wanting the best for her youngest granddaughter and loved my paintings. She would give me money every week from her pension when we visited her and tell me she had bought a special chocolate bar for me which was in her fridge, always Twix, as that was my favourite. I really am talking about a very long time ago, the last time she was all together was her 90th Birthday 2 and half years ago and then from then on it went rapidly down hill. She was no longer the Nanna I remembered, no longer the fun loving individual who could laugh and laugh on her medium sweet cider! She became very sad and all she ever wanted to do was to be with us. But we couldn't look after her. She fell so often in her flat that finally we asked her to consider living in a nursing home - it was the only choice - and then she fell again and finally agreed. She had very good spells and then she went down and in all truth we lost her months ago. So it's all very sad.

Weeks and weeks we've waited for this call and now it's finally come, I don't know what to do with myself. We were waiting all day for the doctor to come and see her and sign the death certificate. He finally did so around 3pm, so we rushed over there (battling through school traffic rush hour) only to find out that the undertakers had been and gone and taken her with them a few moments ago. It doesn't matter, maybe we can see her on Monday when we visit the undertakers and chapel. When we went into her room to collect some belongings, her presence was still so strong even though she had died there around 9 hours before. Even more bizarre I felt her with me on our way back home and whether or not she's still with me, I don't know, but I hope in a way she always will be.