All is quiet. The wind has dropped, and the rain has stopped. It's strangely calm. I think it's beginning to sink in now although it's going to take some time and not only that as the funeral is on the 26th - apparently the under-takers are busy this time of year as everyone chooses this time to die and that Friday was the only 'available' slot.
Funerals. You know by the age of 12, I had been to 5 already, some I remember, some I do not. The one's I remember are Auntie Nell's and my Uncle Edward's, as my Dad's older brother died in the 80's, I can't even remember what year. But I think the only thing that gives me comfort is that she is with her family now - reunited with her sisters, brothers and son. Yes, I do believe in Heaven, I was brought up a Catholic and even though down the years I've felt myself being unsure with what was what, I think now I'm happy to believe - maybe it was because I was put off by my all girl's Catholic school where I went from the age of 5 to 18 - I think it would put anyone off and by the time I left there wasn't a shred of Christianity left in that whole school as most of the good, kind teachers left with us. But experiencing life outside school, going to art college, meeting nice people has made me believe again - not all nice people of course, but the ones met in the last 2 years have restored my faith, so all of my friends out there, thank you very, very much. Though I don't go to church every Sunday - not even at Christmas - and I don't pray, if I do, I put it down to talking to myself! (sorry Lord).
My Dad and I went for a bracing walk across the heath and to Greenwich Park today, to feed the pigeons and clever crows in the Flower Gardens - not to mention those naughty squirrels! It made us both forget about everything, which is a good thing, as it keeps coming back in waves, sometimes I forget entirely and then it hits me and I feel sad again. So in the coming weeks I'm going to be as busy as possible. I'm seeing my friend Shirley tomorrow for cinema and dinner. Maybe on Sunday I'll coax my folks to come out with me for a drive into Kent, into open skies and open fields, oh and a messy network of motorways, because unfortunately, the County of Kent, 'The Garden of England', has all but been destroyed by roads, congestion and pollution. For the next 10 days afterwards, I'll see what brings!
I'm very sorry for this sad post tonight - give me a few more and maybe I'll ok soon.
Lots of love to everyone and thank you for all your kind wishes and words and thanks for just being there, regardless of what country! lol!
Emy xxx
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